Friday, October 28, 2011
So a friend of mine and I were talking about sex (as you do on a Friday afternoon) and then came on to the subject of Blow jobs! As soon as I mentioned the word she sighed! I asked why she did that. Her response.. "Why is it guys always expect you to give them head?" To be honest, I did not have a valid answer to reply with, so I simply said, "Because they like it?"
You watch films nowdays and it is so commonly publicised. Take 'Knocked Up' for example. Katherine Heigl has sex with Seth Rogen and asks him what he would like on a second date. He replies with "BJ!" In 'Bridesmaids' there is a classic quote.. "Did you let him sleep over in your mouth?"
Even music mentions it. Take Lil Wayne, he is telling everyone to lick him like a lollipop!
We got off the phone and I actually started thinking about the topic and decided to do some research into it. (Obviously I know enough about blowies/how to give them but wanted to know more!)
So the correct term for a blow job is Fellatio. Other nicknames for it besides blow job and giving head are blowie, nosh/noshing, BJ and sucking off.
Other facts I found out:
1) In ancient Greece, a blowie was better known for as "playing the flute!" (Remind me to hum Flight of the Bumblebee next time I'm noshing)
2) In ancient Egypt in 1300BC, Isis resurrected Osiris from the dead from a blowie.
3) In 1883, the Kama Sutra was translated from Indian to English where it talks about "mouth congress."
4) In India it is also known as mukhamethuna ("oral churning") and ambarchusi ("mango-fruit sucking") - (cannot say I know one guy who has ever called his cock a mango, but hey, in India clearly they do!)
5) In 1998 Monica Lewinsky denied reports of having sex with Bill Clinton but admitted to noshing him off.
6) You can contract HPV from giving head.
So over time, flute blowing has become more and more acceptable. Now, in my generation it is 'just a thing you do' says my friend *Lucy. Now, girls will give a guy a blowie not because he asked for it but purely because they don't mind doing it or think it is worth keeping the guy. Some girls will nosh a guy off continually because it does not phase them where as sex does. Girls would rather wait to have sex until they really like the guy or are in love but can nosh at any given time to any guy. Porn is so regularly watched that ideas of how to give oral sex (I will use a nicer word for once) are plastered on the screen.
So after finding out some true facts about Fellatio, I wanted to know the best ways of how girls I know like to give a blowie and how guys I know like to recieve it..
"I love it when a girl licks the tip of my shaft. It is really sensitive and it drives me wild."
"My boyfriend loves it when I am sucking him off and use my hands to stroke his penis at the same time."
"Play with my balls while giving me head and I come quicker!"
Well there you go guys and girls, some facts, tips and trueness about "noshing" (I am sure you have seen that this is my favourite word!)
Hope you all enjoyed this and would love to know if you have any tips or advice or questions regarding this blog.
Email email@example.com or on twitter @LittleMissVak
Little Miss V..xx
Monday, October 24, 2011
Hope you are all good. Thought I would take a brief step away from my usual blogs (don't worry, you'll get the naughtiness back soon) and write about my recent outings to some gigs!
So lets start with last Thursday where I went with my good friend Dominique to the Jack Savoretti gig at the Garage in Highbury/Islington. I have loved Jack's music since I was introduced to it by my friend Scott a few years ago. Since then, I have been a big fan. The gig started at 7pm and we arrived at about 8.30pm where we were just in time for the second supporting act called "We were Evergreen."
Now let me just tell you, when I see a band with a xylophone I get a bit worried but on came this Parisian trio and completely wowed me. With their Indie/pop/folk style, the crowd became really hyped up. They had some really good songs including Vintage Car and Penguins & Moonboats. I was not impressed with the song about Eggs!
They finish and on comes Jack Savoretti and his band. A woman standing in front of me and Dom was jumping and screaming. She must have been in her mid 40's but only now was living her failed life as a groupie. She is clearly his number one fan. She kept dancing to the songs which to be honest, are pretty hard to dance to, a simple bop or shake will suffice. When the slower songs came on, she put her hands together as if she was praying and would close her eyes. I hope she knows she was at a gig and not in church. Her friend also cried at one of the slower songs. Is it mean that Dom and I laughed? Well, come on. Two ladies in their 40s getting overly excited about a singer and crying? I can't even say grow up!
I was suprised to see a double bass up on stage (as it is rare) but Tom (dude on the double bass) rocked it! If any of you have ever seen a picture or watched a video of Jack, you will know he is very good looking. Seeing him up on stage with his guitar and singing live brought a whole new love to my life. I will keep this blog PG. Anyway, after a few new songs, Jack sang "Dreamers" which is my ultimate favourite. I took a lot of pictures and videos (which are all on my facebook for those of you who have me). When the show finished, Dom and I waited around as Jack's manager Danielle was going to introduce us to Jack. So ten minutes after he has come off stage, he comes into the hall and Danielle brings him over to me and Dom and gives us a personal introduction. My knees went to jello! I had a picture taken with Jack and honestly, I felt like a kid. I have met a lot of celebrities in my time and do not get star struck (unless they are really big) and Jack is not a celebrity, but just the fact he sings like an angel, plays the guitar like a rock star and is beyond hot got me worke up. Once again, keeping this PG.
Saturday arrives and out I pop from the shower at about 6pm when I get a phone call from my good friend Ben. "Have you got plans tonight LaLa?"
"Umm yes Ben, why?"
"Well I have two tickets for the Ed Sheeran gig tonight, do you want to go?"
I love me a bit of spontaneity. So my plans got changed and 45 minutes later, Ben was outside my house in a cab to pick me up. Now, as a woman, it takes me at least over an hour to get ready for a night out. I was given 45 mins!! So out I went to the cab with a face half done with make up and a packed dinner from mummy as I had not eaten since breakfast. Bless her. To those of you who know my mother, you know she is a feeder. Even if you are not hungry and in my house, you will be given food. So on route to the gig and Ben and I already start having a giggle about a few funny stories. I finish my packed dinner, finish my make up and we arrive at the venue. Before we went into the show, we go to meet our friends Pippa and Chloe at a pub down the road where the drinking begins. How my mother is a feeder, Ben is like that with alcohol. He will get the drinks in and make sure you get legless. Good ol Benny boy! We finish our drinks and the four of us head over to the HMV forum in Kentish town for the Ed Sheeran gig. Or Ed SheeRAN (sounds like Duran) as Ben would say. He got corrected many a time over the night.
So in we head through the crowd and make our way to a nice spacious spot where we can see the stage. As we arrive, Emeli Sande was performing. Wow she is amazing live. She sang a few ballads and then sang her new song "Heaven" which was awesome.
On came Ed and everyone started screaming. Who knew a 21 year old ginger boy could be so popular! To be fair, half the venue were about his age and probably his high school buds.
So there we are enjoying his music and having a dance when all of a sudden, a girl who Pippa referred to as a 'witch' screamed out loud "Can you not touch my bum you are disgusting" to a few boys standing behind her. These boys became our besties of the night. I did not think it was them who pinched her bum but the Peter Griffin look alike that PVP had a crush on who by the way knew every word to every song Ed sang!
So we continue to enjoy the music and our alcohol and dancing when an oldish man standing near Ben starts having a go at him for dancing. Sorry, I did not know that it was illegal to dance at a gig. So there they are having a domestic when Witch Bitch gets involved and shouts, again, telling them both to shut up. This was very funny yet I did give her my dagger eyes and she did not look in my direction again. I came to the conclusion of why this girl was very angry in life..
1) She was on her period
2) She had not been laid for 6 months or more so was a bit aggy
3) Ed Sheeran would not touch her with a barge pole.
I reckon 1 and 2.
So then the two boys who originally pinched Witch Bitches bum became our mates and were dancing and singing with us. They were very camera happy and I would love to see the videos they took of us, especially one of Pippa and I dancing. Oh, and of course Ben made sure they took a pic of my cleavage. Great. Two turnips from Milton Keyenes have probably got my tits as their profile picture on Facebook. Good times.
Ed Sheeran was actually amazing live. Pixie Lott and Example even turned up to do songs with him which was also pretty awesome. Big thank you to Ben for taking me :)
After the gig, the 4 of us headed into Camden. Well after walking down Kentish Town for 15 mins and me complaining that my nipples were about to cut glass, we jumped into a cab to Bar Solo where some of my friends were partying. Amen for Bar solo. My favourite club. If you like Old school jams, a bit of garage and randomness mixed with Beanie Man, Cameo and new tracks, you need to head there. I can not remember one time I have not had fun there. So the drinking continued, as did the dancing and a great night was had by all!
I have now decided that I need to go to as many gigs as possible as it is so much fun. I love live music. Sorry Pippa, Sideshow Bob (I mean Seasick Steve) will not be one I attend!
Have a great week people..
Little Miss V..x
(Picture 1 -Ed Sheeran and Pixie Lott
Picture 2 - Jack Savoretti
Picture 3 - Jack SAvoretti and I
Picture 4 - Ben, Pippa and I)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
"I like you, but you know we have to keep this our little secret right?"
How many of you have heard that one before? I for sure have. I have been a secret. I had a secret. It was fun while it lasted but you know it will never be anything more than just the secret. The secret itself is what makes the relationship exciting. The actual relationship or what you are doing within it, may it be emotional or physical is not the exciting thing. The fact nobody knows is what keeps it fun.
So you would think secret romantic relationships are hot, right? Movies and television dramas are full of them, you hear about them and they almost always seem intense.
When you think of secret romances, you would think they are fun and exciting. You automatically imagine late night meetings in a hotel or a car park where the potential for being caught enhances the romantic experience. For some however, a realistic portrait of romantic relationships reveals that maintaining the secrecy is more frustrating than fun.
So, I asked some friends about their experiences and what happened...
Emily's sister Natasha was dating a guy called Dean. She would only ever see Dean at weekends though as she was at boarding school. Emily met Dean one weekend at their house and instantly took a liking to him. He took to her as well and when Natasha went back to boarding school, they took to each other like rabbits. They kept it a secret for years and to this day, Natasha does not know. Emily did not feel as bad as she would have, as Natasha had told her she was dating someone at boarding school and only kept Dean there for fun at the weekends when she was home.
Emily's fun with Dean sadly ended when Natasha moved back home from boarding school and Dean ended both relationships. Emily said it was the most secretive fun you could ever have!
Darryl is a 29 year old estate agent and married man. After meeting his wife Linzee at school he knew she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Losing his virginity to her at 16, he needed no more. Until one day in married life, Darryl felt he was missing out on life and felt he had not experienced enough in life. Darryl signed up to a dating site where he was listed as single and "only up for a good time." Needless to say, gorgeous Darryl was flooded with messages and met up with Harley. Harley became the DLS that Darryl longed for. He would lie to Linzee by telling her he had late viewings yet instead, invite Harley to a propertly he was letting out. After a secret two year relationship with Harley, Linzee became pregnant and Darryl was forced to end his secret affair. To this day, Linzee does not know what her hubby got up to.
Carlos was working in a restaurant as a waiter. One day, in walked Francesca. A pretty little thing who caught Carlos' eye immediately. She had come in to give her CV for a job going. Carlos took the CV and her number from it and called her up. Even though he had a girlfriend, he had a passion inside of him to get to know Francesca. She was very flattered but made Carlos aware that she had a boyfriend. Even though her boyfriend was in prison, she could not be unfaithful. A few weeks later, Carlos recieved a message from Francesca telling him to meet her at her place. He did not think about his girlfriend and without hesitation, went round. According to Carlos, it was the best sex he had ever experienced. Carlos is the kind of guy who loves when a woman gives into him and he can get his way with her. Francesca was giving Carlos the best sex of his life and he started to fall for her. Three months after their affair started, Francesca got a phone call that her boyfriend was being released from prison. She told Carlos to delete her number and never make contact again, leaving Carlos in shreds.
It seems to me that most secret relationships end badly or with upset, so why is this topic the backbone of so many books and movies we see each year? Maybe its more about the escape than the actual love. Take Romeo and Juliet for example. They had a secret love. They couldn't tell anybody because their families were at war. What happened to them? They both killed themselves!
My personal advice on this topic would be to not let yourself fully in. Do not accept the relationship as something serious. It is fun. It is a period in your life that is boring that you are making exciting. If it starts a secret, it will always only be a secret. So have fun, don't fall, don't let all your emotions in and make sure nobody finds out ;-)
I would just like to add, the stories included here are all true but names have been changed to protect the identities of the story tellers :)
Little Miss V..xx